By Chip Letzgus
What? Already?
I had forgotten how grueling it can be watching two nights of twelve-performance “Idol” episodes in a row. Aren’t you tired, too?
So before I nod off, here’s what happened with the dudes, in order of appearance:
TODRICK HALL—Since U [sic] Been Gone—5 / 90
Somewhere on the urban-fabulous scale between Usher and Akon lies Todrick, who might as well just start going by only one name right now. This reimagined version of the Kelly Clarkson hit allowed Todrick to show off his dance skills and his personality, but it also kept us from judging his singing prowess: he rapped part of it, and the chorus challenged him to hit only a couple of big notes. Charisma, yes. Talent? Too soon to tell.
AARON KELLY—Here Comes Goodbye—7 / 86
Although I didn’t rank Aaron at the bottom of my ballot, he’s got to know that you should never sing a song that sounds like a farewell to your fans on “American Idol,” because inevitably you end up singing it on Results Night. “Here Comes Goodbye,” and there goes Aaron. It wouldn’t be much of a loss; although he’s got good pitch and fresh-scrubbed all-American teenage-boy looks, this performance pretty much sounded like what a 16-year-old thinks a country singer should sound like. No real emotion. Cute kid, though—could pick up some votes that used to go to David Archuleta.
JERMAINE SELLERS—Get Here—8 / 85
Or, as I have come to think of this performance, “The Deacon Wore Tails.” Yes, tails.Jermaine is a church singer, but instead of dressing in his choir robe, he put on a too-small fedora and tails. Gray tails with a wilted black satin rose in the lapel. He looked like a greeter at the Mortuary of the Damned. Took me a while to get past the whole image, but when I did: Nice upper register, though he went from showcasing it to exploiting it and so ended up wailing the song. Pitch issues all over the place. He’s going to have to return that costume to Cirque du Soleil sooner than he thinks.
TIM URBAN—Apologize—6 / 88
What is up this week with contestants who have completely ripped off the hairstyles of celebrities of the past? Last night there were women who were follicularly channelingAnn Jillian and Bernadette Peters, and tonight we got Tim Urban, who looked for all the world like he had styled his locks while clutching a 1968 issue of Tiger Beatmagazine, the one with both Davy Jones and Bobby Sherman on the cover. Poor Tim—he was cut from the show after Hollywood Week, only to be brought back when another contestant turned out to have a prior recording contract, and once back on the show got himself ripped apart by the judges for tonight’s performance. I actually didn’t think it was bad at all. He’s got a really nice tone to his voice, I liked his falsetto, he had good facial expressions and he worked the camera. The ending of the number was weak, but he wasn’t nearly as bad as the judging panel made him out to be. That hair, though . . .
JOE MUÑOZ—You and I Both—2 / 94
So you want to know what Joe Muñoz looks like? Okay, you remember Anoop Desaifrom last year? Joe looks like Anoop would, if Anoop was from Mazatlan instead of Mumbai. Now that you have the picture: I liked Joe a lot. He established a focal point and sang to it consistently; his vocal and facial expressions were appropriate for the lyrics; he demonstrated some rhythm and confidence on stage; and I liked his voice. I hope he sticks around.
TYLER GRADY—American Woman—10 / 80
Let’s say you were having a party, and the theme was “The Rock-and-Roll DrugSubculture of the Vietnam War Era.” I wouldn’t order extra appetizers for the overflow guests if I were you, but that’s not the point. If Tyler Grady was on your invite list, he would not only show up, he would totally win the costume contest. He has got the whole Jim Morrison-Mick Jagger-stoned-out-rocker look down cold. What he might not win would be the karaoke contest. Although he can scream a song with the best of the Rolling Doors, he doesn’t have the underlying vocal talent to make it unique and memorable. And he can’t quite get the hang of the whole holding-the-mic-stand-while-working-the-stage thing. The overall effect is both awkward and sad: Tyler Grady is the past tense of a wannabe—a wishidbeen.
LEE DEWYZE—Chasing Cars—9 / 84
This was interesting. I could totally see why, in the unreal world of reality TV, Lee would be cast automatically unto the Top 24 of “American Idol”: He looks just likeDanny Gokey. What I could not understand was why, after Lee’s performance, Simon acted as if he’d just heard Susan Boyle sing “I Dreamed a Dream” for the first time. Yes, Lee accompanied himself on the guitar, a plus, but beyond that? The beginning of the song was a complete snoozarama, and throughout the song Lee’s pitch was all over the place, except for the place where his pitch was supposed to be. The only logical explanation is that Simon sees enormous potential in Lee, and knew this was at best a mediocre performance, and so felt he had to campaign for Lee in order to save him from Thursday’s Silver Stools of Departure. That might work for a few weeks, Simon, but ultimately Lee is going to have to deliver. He didn’t tonight.
JOHN PARK—God Bless the Child—12 / 75
Okay, so let’s say your party celebrating rocker druggies of the late ‘60s didn’t work out, and you were so ashamed you moved to South Korea. One night you decide to venture out and enjoy Seoul’s nightlife, and you stumble upon a karaoke bar that’s having a special contest: “Sing in Engrish Onry!” Who could resist that? So you walk in, and there’s a (relatively) tall, decent-looking young man wowing the crowd with his runs and riffs as he gamely tries to sound out phonetically the English lyrics to “God Bless the Child.” Naturally, he wins first prize—there.
Now take the same performance and put it on the stage of “American Idol,” and what have you got?
I think you get the picture, and the sound. A total embarrassment in almost every way.
MICHAEL LYNCHE—This Love—4 / 91
And so on to Michael Lynche, who appeared on my TV screen as a giant blob of fatness, and I thought, “Finally! As Jane Russell used to say, a full-figured gal like me!” Imagine how my glee was compounded when, in his pre-performance video package, he said, “Hi! My name is Michael Lynche, and I’m a personal trainer . . .”
Can you even fathom it? A fat—no, that’s derogatory—a morbidly obese personal trainer!
Forget the performance. I want to join this guy’s gym!
All right, so I admit my scores may be a bit inflated by the admiration I have for anyone that grossly overweight who has the nerve and the persuasiveness to get a job as a personal trainer. I also admit that Michael’s enunciation is not up to the standards of, say, Miss Diana Ross, and that therefore I missed most of the lyrics of this song. I also concede that there was no point in him accompanying himself on the guitar, because the band overpowered him. Nonetheless, I maintain that Michael has a good voice and was a lot of fun on stage. And I mean a lot of fun.
A fat personal trainer. Is America a great country, or what?
ALEX LAMBERT—Wonderful World—11 / 77
If Alex Lambert is any relation to Adam Lambert, you can forget everything you’ve ever heard about talent being hereditary. Alex didn’t draw that particular gene from the rack. No lower register to speak of. No rhythm. No interpretation of the lyric. The one thing Alex did that was remotely worthwhile was to remind me of the immortal words of Chris Richardson from Season Six: “Nasally is a form of singing.”
CASEY JAMES—Heaven—1 / 95
Now, this was a fascinating little case study. From what I gather, during the audition rounds, judge Kara Dodygoodman became utterly smitten with contestant Casey James, he of the stringy long blond hair, unshaven face, and perfect Osmond-like teeth—to the point that she even asked him to take off his shirt for her. So tonight, when he sat on his stool, holding his guitar, and started to sing “Heaven,” Kara went completely Meg Ryan in the restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally.
Let’s set aside for now how inappropriate and more than a little creepy Kara’s on-air orgasm was. What it did for Casey was to give him something to react to and someone to sing to and a reason to smile while he was singing, and the result was revelatory. This was an authentic, spontaneous, personal performance, and above all one that was unique—never to be duplicated.
This is the reason I love live performance over anything filmed for the screen, taped for the tube or recorded for the iPod. Only on the stage can there be a complete connection among singer, song, situation and audience. So what if Casey James’s voice is good, but not spectacular? As a performer, he didn’t wall himself off from the shenanigans going on a few feet away from him at the judging panel. He embraced it, adapted to it, reacted to it, and you could hear how he let that influence his interpretation of the song. It was wonderful.
Can you tell I loved it?
ANDREW GARCIA—Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down—3 / 92
Andrew Garcia’s picture was on the front page of the Riverside Press-Enterprise this morning, because he’s practically a local boy, living with his son and his baby-mommy in nearby Moreno Valley. So I was excited that he was given the anchor spot tonight. That’s usually a good sign. Usually, but not always. Andrew has a good voice and he projects a winning, nice-guy persona. But he hides himself behind enormous horn-rimmed glasses that prevent him from making eye contact with the crowd (especially when he’s accompanying himself on the guitar, as he did tonight), limiting his ability to make a connection with the audience. And then he chose to sing this ridiculous song, which in the space of one line mixes metaphors about baseball, boxing, the recording industry and firearms. I hope he’ll do the Inland Empire prouder next week.
Predictions? I’d send John Park back to Korea and Alex Lambert with him, but I could as easily imagine Tim Urban and Jermaine Sellers hopping the first Metrolink out of town. As long as the hugely huge personal trainer stays in the competition, I’m good.
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